It began with e-mail exchanges concerning the need for a better health insurance policy. The letter I won't send...
I don't want to be perceived as someone expecting a handout. I want nothing more than to pay my own bills, and I feel my track record bears proof of this. I think the same can be said for the kids if you've paid attention. Divorce, from the perspective of a homemaker with little other experience or kids just out of college, is more devastating in many ways than for a man with a well-established career which provides him with the means to continue his life relatively uninterrupted.
Just getting up to par with all the details of every aspect of life that was not my responsibility before separation is overwhelming. Figuring out how to make ends meet with far less than what we're accustomed to having available (I'm not just referring to money) is difficult. Couple that with having to observe our 'breadwinner'/husband/father/family member give his time, attention and hard-earned money to another family is almost unbearable. How can we NOT question his feelings and motives and lack of care and concern?! At the very least, those actions appear very selfish and self-centered.
We did not ask for this. We did not purposely disrespect our pact/commitment as a family. We did not lie and cheat and disempower others to gain our position in life. We did not abandon nor desert our roles in the family. This is not to say that mistakes were not made by all parties, they were, but is there no consideration for the price we're paying for your lack of understanding, perspective and forgiveness?
It seems to me that YOU are the one who should be on his hands and knees begging us to accept the hurt you've bestowed upon us, not making it more difficult for us at every turn while we struggle to catch up, knowing we are spinning our wheels and will never be where you are financially and perhaps otherwise. To place another person of 'means' in our lives to take advantage of (as your new (still married to someone else) 'significant other has) is not the answer, imo, not a virtuous one anyway.
I'm sure I will never understand this. I feel you must have no conscience. Perhaps you have no reason to reflect as we do. You have the means to move forward while we are stuck where you left us which keeps us rooted in the past somewhat. We will move forward, eventually, but at a snail's pace, by comparison, given our situation. We will truly become the strong ones for we have a lot to learn and much to endure to be where you are. I know you've had your share of struggle and lots to endure yourself, but we did not abandon you when you were in the process--no, we stood by you, cheered you on, and accepted the life we had with the belief that someday we would gain, collectively, as a (solid) family unit by doing so.
We dreamed of having the means to travel on in life, just like you, to always be together and to remain close in these years--not spending our precious time worrying about the details of our health insurance policy--heck, or even if we could afford to see a doctor when we are not well. We thought our health and well-being would always be significant to you, something you would value and depend upon as much as we would.
Money is not the issue here, but health and happiness are significant in life. Both are crippled by the decisions you've made for this family. It will take more time for us to catch up, with no personal loss to you, than you will ever acknowledge. It will certainly require more strength/fortitude on our part than you will ever understand from your 'elevated' perspective.
What happened to you to make you become the person we see?! Do you see yourself clearly?! I think not.
Just getting up to par with all the details of every aspect of life that was not my responsibility before separation is overwhelming. Figuring out how to make ends meet with far less than what we're accustomed to having available (I'm not just referring to money) is difficult. Couple that with having to observe our 'breadwinner'/husband/father/family member give his time, attention and hard-earned money to another family is almost unbearable. How can we NOT question his feelings and motives and lack of care and concern?! At the very least, those actions appear very selfish and self-centered.
We did not ask for this. We did not purposely disrespect our pact/commitment as a family. We did not lie and cheat and disempower others to gain our position in life. We did not abandon nor desert our roles in the family. This is not to say that mistakes were not made by all parties, they were, but is there no consideration for the price we're paying for your lack of understanding, perspective and forgiveness?
It seems to me that YOU are the one who should be on his hands and knees begging us to accept the hurt you've bestowed upon us, not making it more difficult for us at every turn while we struggle to catch up, knowing we are spinning our wheels and will never be where you are financially and perhaps otherwise. To place another person of 'means' in our lives to take advantage of (as your new (still married to someone else) 'significant other has) is not the answer, imo, not a virtuous one anyway.
I'm sure I will never understand this. I feel you must have no conscience. Perhaps you have no reason to reflect as we do. You have the means to move forward while we are stuck where you left us which keeps us rooted in the past somewhat. We will move forward, eventually, but at a snail's pace, by comparison, given our situation. We will truly become the strong ones for we have a lot to learn and much to endure to be where you are. I know you've had your share of struggle and lots to endure yourself, but we did not abandon you when you were in the process--no, we stood by you, cheered you on, and accepted the life we had with the belief that someday we would gain, collectively, as a (solid) family unit by doing so.
We dreamed of having the means to travel on in life, just like you, to always be together and to remain close in these years--not spending our precious time worrying about the details of our health insurance policy--heck, or even if we could afford to see a doctor when we are not well. We thought our health and well-being would always be significant to you, something you would value and depend upon as much as we would.
Money is not the issue here, but health and happiness are significant in life. Both are crippled by the decisions you've made for this family. It will take more time for us to catch up, with no personal loss to you, than you will ever acknowledge. It will certainly require more strength/fortitude on our part than you will ever understand from your 'elevated' perspective.
What happened to you to make you become the person we see?! Do you see yourself clearly?! I think not.
posted by Di at 12:56 PM
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