The 'Letter to a Friend' in its entirety!!!
Hi there!!
Happy Saturday!! Happy weekend!!! Happy everything!!
A friend sent the following/(this) link to me this past week. I recently acquired the second house that the ex and I shared in the marriage, and the thing I regret the most is that the treehouse we'd built in the woods had fallen in and had to be removed. I have pics of it somewhere, and will send them to you after I find them again! Perhaps I can have it rebuilt in the future...but it won't be the same...my kids helped with the first one...I really hated that it had to go. It was large enough for the four of us to sleep in, which we did on a few occasions, and it had a cool wrap-around deck. It was amazing!! There are some changes in life that make me sad....losing our treehouse was one of them. Time marches on....change is inevitable!! Sigh!
http://money.aol.com/bw/realestate/canvas3/_a/real-estate-that-really-branches-out/20061006095809990001
I'm working at keeping my mind in a good place today. The ex is overseas, and just last night my daughter informed me that she and her brother would be traveling to meet up with him. They are leaving today for France....he won't be there until Monday evening. I don't even know what to say about this. It blows my budget if I fly to visit with them here in the states. In fact, I am still working (and yes, I literally went back to work) paying off the balance of the one credit card I own and used to cover the expenses we incurred to attend my nephew's wedding in Florida in August (a good time, but not exactly a 'vacation'). The ex also attended a wedding in the same time frame for his side of the family and flew the kids there for it...but something tells me he won't be strapped with a bill that will take a year or so to pay off.
I'm especially trying to figure out how to sincerely wish them all well, and be okay with being the family member who is left out of the family vacations with no hope of having the means or an invitation to share such momentous events. I feel somewhat ashamed to be upset about this for any reason, but the fact that my kids procrastinated and waited until the last moment to tell me, lets me know they have some feeling of the unfairness involved...or perhaps I should say the inequality or imbalance involved.
I want to be a 'bigger' person in dealing with it, but I'm finding that difficult just now for many reasons. For starters, it's going to be a long week for me, knowing my 'babies' (aren't they always somehow our babies, or is it just me?!) are in a foreign country, on their own, for a time. And I'd always dreamed of sharing major family events....I really struggle with being left behind. I really don't mean that in a selfish way. I just want to be there with them. I want to be a part of the significant milestones in their lives, especially those spent as a family. I don't even want to know if the new girlfriend or any child of hers is going to be present. What's a mother to do?!
Smile like she always seems required to do, and make everything alright for the most people?!
Seems I really have no other choice.
This letter is sounding like something for my personal journal rather than something I need to share with a friend. But there is it...raw emotion...exactly what I'm feeling today. There seems to be a 'theme' emerging about change and acceptance, ya think?
Do I sound like 'sour grapes' to you?! Does this make me appear 'ugly'?! I truly desire to be a 'better/bigger' person and not let it trouble me too much.
I accept that my kids are grown up...and rightfully moving on with their own lives, but when I've been soo 'home/heartsick' for them, and have called them constantly this week to share things that remind me of them...like the beauty of a fall day, smells in the air that bring back a shared memory...I find it disheartening to discover it seems I have small treasures to share compared to extravagant trips to France.
I truly want them to have a good relationship with their dad. Truth be told, I still desire a better relationship with him, but it seems that is futile. I suppose I just wished he felt my discomfort at being left out, so that he might be a bit more considerate of my feelings or even the position it places them in. But being divorced from him tells you something about our relationship, huh?! Perhaps there is no better way to deal with this given the decision which dissolved our family unit. I can feel sad about it, right?
Maybe I am the one who is being short-sighted here...unfair in my assessment of the situation. I don't feel good about feeling as I do. I want to be more gracious in spirit. I suppose that is the challenge I'm facing...and in the end, the nobler position to take.
I'm finding it difficult to think about other things today, but I must. I just felt I had to get this off my chest.
Now...what can I find to do with this beautiful day?! Well, I can go out and enjoy it, huh?! I still have myself...I need to see to it that 'she' is good company!!
Di
Happy Saturday!! Happy weekend!!! Happy everything!!
A friend sent the following/(this) link to me this past week. I recently acquired the second house that the ex and I shared in the marriage, and the thing I regret the most is that the treehouse we'd built in the woods had fallen in and had to be removed. I have pics of it somewhere, and will send them to you after I find them again! Perhaps I can have it rebuilt in the future...but it won't be the same...my kids helped with the first one...I really hated that it had to go. It was large enough for the four of us to sleep in, which we did on a few occasions, and it had a cool wrap-around deck. It was amazing!! There are some changes in life that make me sad....losing our treehouse was one of them. Time marches on....change is inevitable!! Sigh!
http://money.aol.com/bw/realestate/canvas3/_a/real-estate-that-really-branches-out/20061006095809990001
I'm working at keeping my mind in a good place today. The ex is overseas, and just last night my daughter informed me that she and her brother would be traveling to meet up with him. They are leaving today for France....he won't be there until Monday evening. I don't even know what to say about this. It blows my budget if I fly to visit with them here in the states. In fact, I am still working (and yes, I literally went back to work) paying off the balance of the one credit card I own and used to cover the expenses we incurred to attend my nephew's wedding in Florida in August (a good time, but not exactly a 'vacation'). The ex also attended a wedding in the same time frame for his side of the family and flew the kids there for it...but something tells me he won't be strapped with a bill that will take a year or so to pay off.
I'm especially trying to figure out how to sincerely wish them all well, and be okay with being the family member who is left out of the family vacations with no hope of having the means or an invitation to share such momentous events. I feel somewhat ashamed to be upset about this for any reason, but the fact that my kids procrastinated and waited until the last moment to tell me, lets me know they have some feeling of the unfairness involved...or perhaps I should say the inequality or imbalance involved.
I want to be a 'bigger' person in dealing with it, but I'm finding that difficult just now for many reasons. For starters, it's going to be a long week for me, knowing my 'babies' (aren't they always somehow our babies, or is it just me?!) are in a foreign country, on their own, for a time. And I'd always dreamed of sharing major family events....I really struggle with being left behind. I really don't mean that in a selfish way. I just want to be there with them. I want to be a part of the significant milestones in their lives, especially those spent as a family. I don't even want to know if the new girlfriend or any child of hers is going to be present. What's a mother to do?!
Smile like she always seems required to do, and make everything alright for the most people?!
Seems I really have no other choice.
This letter is sounding like something for my personal journal rather than something I need to share with a friend. But there is it...raw emotion...exactly what I'm feeling today. There seems to be a 'theme' emerging about change and acceptance, ya think?
Do I sound like 'sour grapes' to you?! Does this make me appear 'ugly'?! I truly desire to be a 'better/bigger' person and not let it trouble me too much.
I accept that my kids are grown up...and rightfully moving on with their own lives, but when I've been soo 'home/heartsick' for them, and have called them constantly this week to share things that remind me of them...like the beauty of a fall day, smells in the air that bring back a shared memory...I find it disheartening to discover it seems I have small treasures to share compared to extravagant trips to France.
I truly want them to have a good relationship with their dad. Truth be told, I still desire a better relationship with him, but it seems that is futile. I suppose I just wished he felt my discomfort at being left out, so that he might be a bit more considerate of my feelings or even the position it places them in. But being divorced from him tells you something about our relationship, huh?! Perhaps there is no better way to deal with this given the decision which dissolved our family unit. I can feel sad about it, right?
Maybe I am the one who is being short-sighted here...unfair in my assessment of the situation. I don't feel good about feeling as I do. I want to be more gracious in spirit. I suppose that is the challenge I'm facing...and in the end, the nobler position to take.
I'm finding it difficult to think about other things today, but I must. I just felt I had to get this off my chest.
Now...what can I find to do with this beautiful day?! Well, I can go out and enjoy it, huh?! I still have myself...I need to see to it that 'she' is good company!!
Di
posted by Di at 9:16 AM
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