A new chapter....
I feel like I began a new chapter in my life when recently at the hospital, I experienced a 'drug overdose' intended to convert my irregular heart rhythm to a regular/sinus rhythm. I looked 'death' in the face, and decided I was not ready to meet it. Fortunately, my determination to survive was met by the competent hospital crew at my bedside.
Today, in the aftermath, I'm wondering if I've really changed? How easy it would be to 'forget' the experience and fall back into the same ole routine. Change requires embracing the reality of what happened and keeping it at the forefront of my mind. It would be much easier to cope with denial, forget the pain. How will this change manifest?
Last night I was aware of two elderly men alone in different settings. One was in a restaurant. It seems he was a 'regular', he knew the menu without picking it up, and made some specific requests and changes. He seemed to almost make a 'game' of discussing this with the waitress...letting her know how much he knew about what he wanted to order. For some reason I felt sad for him. I wondered, could I ever just go over and invite a total stranger to join me at my table, so that he could actually have a conversation with some depth? Mind you, I'm aware that he may have been 'in his element' with things just the way they were, but what harm would there be in finding out?
The other man was in 'Staples' returning some kind of cartridge that was damaged. He appeared slightly infirmed. He was polite to the young female clerk, commenting on her shell necklace, in the midst of painstakingly explaining exactly what was wrong with the item. He seemed to be enjoying having someone to talk to about this mundane exchange, despite the fact that the clerk had no issue with his return and there was a long line of people waiting behind him. I felt he, too, just wanted to be heard.
Moments like these do not escape me since my recent ordeal. Whether we depend on a medical team for survival, or desire feedback to a blog from our readers, or consideration from a waitress in a restaurant, or understanding from the clerk in the store, we all want to feel our existence is acknowledged, worthwhile. You cannot look at someone and know where they've been or what they have survived, but perhaps you can let them know you care in some small way. Today, this seems more important than ever. Perhaps my new chapter begins with this awareness.
Today, in the aftermath, I'm wondering if I've really changed? How easy it would be to 'forget' the experience and fall back into the same ole routine. Change requires embracing the reality of what happened and keeping it at the forefront of my mind. It would be much easier to cope with denial, forget the pain. How will this change manifest?
Last night I was aware of two elderly men alone in different settings. One was in a restaurant. It seems he was a 'regular', he knew the menu without picking it up, and made some specific requests and changes. He seemed to almost make a 'game' of discussing this with the waitress...letting her know how much he knew about what he wanted to order. For some reason I felt sad for him. I wondered, could I ever just go over and invite a total stranger to join me at my table, so that he could actually have a conversation with some depth? Mind you, I'm aware that he may have been 'in his element' with things just the way they were, but what harm would there be in finding out?
The other man was in 'Staples' returning some kind of cartridge that was damaged. He appeared slightly infirmed. He was polite to the young female clerk, commenting on her shell necklace, in the midst of painstakingly explaining exactly what was wrong with the item. He seemed to be enjoying having someone to talk to about this mundane exchange, despite the fact that the clerk had no issue with his return and there was a long line of people waiting behind him. I felt he, too, just wanted to be heard.
Moments like these do not escape me since my recent ordeal. Whether we depend on a medical team for survival, or desire feedback to a blog from our readers, or consideration from a waitress in a restaurant, or understanding from the clerk in the store, we all want to feel our existence is acknowledged, worthwhile. You cannot look at someone and know where they've been or what they have survived, but perhaps you can let them know you care in some small way. Today, this seems more important than ever. Perhaps my new chapter begins with this awareness.
posted by Di at 4:37 AM
3 Comments:
Di: those are fascinating observations. i've always been interested in someone who i've percieved to be lonely and their in-depth exchanges with clerks, etc.
keep up the observations.
glad you're whole again.
I'm reminded of the Jack Nicholson character in "As Good As It Gets".
Crusty.....unapproachable.
But he had a routine that he loved and was comfortable.
Part of that routine was dealing with a waitress that understood him and knew his quirks.
He was willing to change the routine he loved for someone he cared about.
"Faint heart never won Fair Maiden......er Gentleman!"
Little to be lost, and MUCH to be gained if you are successful!
Thanks, A, always, for your support!! So much can be discovered about a person in the seemingly small and mundane activities in a person's life, huh?!
I began feeling well again exactly one week to the day of my 'ordeal'. It feels good to feel 'whole' again!! Thanks for your support!!
Grey..what a great movie!! I had not thought of it in connection, but it suits!! I've applied that famous quote ('You make me wanna be a better man') from the movie soo many times in my mind. A, it would fit in with some of your recent writings (which I've enjoyed, btw), don't ya think?!
Grey, if you were suggesting the man was an 'opportunity' waiting, ahem...nada...He was old enough to be my 'grandpa'...maybe older...(not that age matters to me, you know it doesn't..but well...)...it was just an observation...and a thought...and well, it was best left that way, I feel. I have other fish to catch!! Ha!
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