This is the gift I want to share today. Music is a wonderful thing...so are 'Words'!!! Be careful how you use them! :))

'I Got Here As Fast As I Could' continued...

In relationships, especially in the one I needed to experience with myself, 'I got here as fast as I could'. How liberating to borrow that line to put in perspective why it has felt impossible to make a lasting connection with another/others. I'd built the proverbial wall around myself, like so many of us do, because my fears led me to believe I had a reason to protect myself. Perhaps that was not such a bad thing. It protected others, as well, to some degree. But it also prevented me from connecting with people in a meaningful way. The people this hurt the most were my closest family and friends. Then there were always those people in the same boat as me, who were willing to hop right in and sink with me. It happens everyday in relationships. I truly hope to avoid making that mistake again in my life. This time around though, I won't avoid entirely. I will live with my mistakes, pay the price, and try again. Hopefully, I will do so fearlessly.

'I got here as fast as I could', and I like where I am today. Though I have so much more to gain on my personal journey in life, I hope to travel alongside my friends and family instead of isolating from them. I hope to bring something worthwhile to their lives. Instead of sharing only my woes, and in that way have the world revolve solely around me in my relationships with others, I hope to be present, as an equal, in giving and receiving...a true sharing, if you will.

Yep, I'm getting there as fast as I can. I heard something recently on an Oprah episode (yes, I watch a lot of TV these days) about a mom with breast cancer who left numerous video and audio tapes for her young daughter to make herself present to her child after she died and to share whatever she could in this way that was of importance to her. It sums up what I feel is significant in this journey of life. I'll paraphrase: 'I'm thankful for the journey not purchased but experienced and lived through love.' Oh that we all live our lives with that purpose...what a wise woman!! In order to share anything worthwhile with another, it is important to know yourself and to give freely what you've learned and experienced along the way that will enhance, not only your life, but the lives of all with whom you come in contact, especially your own family.

I thank God everyday for the gift of time and discovery and for those still present in my life...we've got so much to share in this journey...I can't wait!!! :))

'I Got Here As Fast As I Could'

So I borrowed this line from the TV series 'How I Met Your Mother'. I never intended this blog to center around my marriage/divorce, yet how could I avoid it? I was married a long time (26 years), and then divorced the year I began this blog -- which I cannot believe will be six years on June 30. So, like it or not, much of what I've had to say was tainted by my feelings as a divorced woman!

In the beginning, after grasping the reality that my marriage would end, I still believed I could move on and eventually find 'true love' -- something better than I'd experienced before. For about seven years, I isolated and dealt with my separation/divorce. I didn't go out much, and certainly not with men. That is how I needed to deal with the matter, and in the process, I accepted that I was not equipped to offer anything to a new relationship. It was no coincidence that none really came my way, and it was fortunate, too!

After a time, though, I had many life experiences that led me to feel I no longer needed to allow life to pass me by, so I began to travel. I met new people and reconnected with many from my past. I spent time with friends and family alike. I was ready, and I haven't stopped moving yet! I've found a few opportunities for 'love', or at least relationships, and am content to explore those. Which leads me to the aforementioned TV episode. I loved the messaged it conveyed and decided to use it to jump start my blog. Hopefully, NOW, I can move beyond seeing myself as 'once-married-now-divorced' as the sum total of 'who I am'!! :))

In the episode there was a running 'dialogue' about women who avoided receiving speeding tickets because they were pretty females confronted by male cops. The guys in the series were looking for ways to avoid paying such penalties, as well. One of the female characters admitted avoiding a ticket when the cop approached her saying he'd been 'waiting for her all day'. When she told him she was 'getting there as fast as she could', he let her go. The guy she relayed this scenario to doubted its authenticity, and she admitted it was, in fact, contrived in order to make a point with him about why they had not managed a personal 'love connection' together (aside from the fact that she loved another, in this case, her husband from whom she was separated).

To be continued....

(This was hidden in my drafts from a number of days ago...it needs to be rewritten, but my writing was interrupted by a phone call, so I didn't complete it. I would share it differently today, but what the heck...here it is...I'll work on it later! I just want to be present.)