Is it just me, or do others also find...
that when something effects a change in your life, you no longer know how to communicate yourself to others? I'm not certain who I am any longer. This is not a bad thing, but relating has become difficult. If I don't know the person I'm becoming, how am I to convey myself to others? I need to get to know this 'emerging person' before I know how to share the changes taking place. It's a little discomforting, yet exciting, all at the same time.
Apprehensive would best describe how I feel about this. Do I remain silent? Is it best to internalize the thoughts and feelings I am experiencing, until I decide whether or not to share them? Perhaps. But I am one prone to a lot of internalizing, to the point of making myself ill, blaming myself or holding myself accountable for all the situations in my life that demand attention. I conclude, unnecessarily, that I am the one expected to solve any issue that it seems I can. So, moving things out of my mind is best for my psyche....otherwise I could go in circles over-analyzing something.
Silence, even in my own mind, however, appeals to my senses. The thought of shutting down, cocooning, hibernating, sleeping through the changes and just emerging, is intriguing. I don't have to explain myself, my silences, or my need to recoup and grow as I change. I CAN just do it and be at peace within myself....no need for explanation. Yes, that thought is satisfying.
I think of my 'feathered and furry' friends, and how they are far less demanding of me, or so it feels. Give them the basics in life, and they have nothing but gratitude and appreciation for you. If only my human friends were so easily impressed. The only worry, where my 'pets' are concerned, is that I find a little time to spare for them....that I carve out some space in my day to just show up. They are happy with this, and reward me with their own special feedback...always fulfilling. Oh that everyone could be pleased so easily!!!
I'm certain that the feeling must begin with me...I must be pleased first with myself, how I spend my time, and what I decide to give to others. If I need time to absorb my changes, so be it. It seems necessary for me to accept my personal changes if I am to be confident in presenting myself anew. I've just got to get comfortable with NOT knowing who I am right now. Can any of you relate to this feeling?
Apprehensive would best describe how I feel about this. Do I remain silent? Is it best to internalize the thoughts and feelings I am experiencing, until I decide whether or not to share them? Perhaps. But I am one prone to a lot of internalizing, to the point of making myself ill, blaming myself or holding myself accountable for all the situations in my life that demand attention. I conclude, unnecessarily, that I am the one expected to solve any issue that it seems I can. So, moving things out of my mind is best for my psyche....otherwise I could go in circles over-analyzing something.
Silence, even in my own mind, however, appeals to my senses. The thought of shutting down, cocooning, hibernating, sleeping through the changes and just emerging, is intriguing. I don't have to explain myself, my silences, or my need to recoup and grow as I change. I CAN just do it and be at peace within myself....no need for explanation. Yes, that thought is satisfying.
I think of my 'feathered and furry' friends, and how they are far less demanding of me, or so it feels. Give them the basics in life, and they have nothing but gratitude and appreciation for you. If only my human friends were so easily impressed. The only worry, where my 'pets' are concerned, is that I find a little time to spare for them....that I carve out some space in my day to just show up. They are happy with this, and reward me with their own special feedback...always fulfilling. Oh that everyone could be pleased so easily!!!
I'm certain that the feeling must begin with me...I must be pleased first with myself, how I spend my time, and what I decide to give to others. If I need time to absorb my changes, so be it. It seems necessary for me to accept my personal changes if I am to be confident in presenting myself anew. I've just got to get comfortable with NOT knowing who I am right now. Can any of you relate to this feeling?
posted by Di at 3:34 PM
4 Comments:
Yes I can relate to a lot of what you've said in this post. It's really difficult for me to quiet my mind. But I seek out solitude from the everyday as often as possible. I really enjoy being alone with me and I find that to be helpful when things seem out of control... And. It's scary looking inward. Enjoy the ride...
"The thought of shutting down, cocooning, hibernating, sleeping through the changes and just emerging, is intriguing."
But is it life?
Maybe for a moth.
Look at the pictures just below this post. Are you not filled with JOY looking at them? (How can you not be?)
If you're asleep, you'd miss moments like those depicted in the photos.
I know you don't mean to totally withdraw. You're just expressing something that sometimes seems easier than having to deal with the bumps of life.
It's important to remember that you have to survive the bumps sometimes to get to the boulevard! And I hope for you the boulevard is just around the next bend.
i'm in love with self-introspection. it's a double-edged sword. sometimes, i think it has a lot to do with intelligence.
but there's other times you need to not care what others think and don't worry about their perceptions.
what's that famous line? it's only life after all!!
Interesting...three different comments, three different perspectives...all legitimate. Thanks guys for your personal insight!!
Upon conversing with some of you, I find I may have been unclear here...which is okay...look at the valuable feedback I've received. Having stated this, I tell you that I have had a blog entry bouncing around in my head all day, but haven't found the time to post it..maybe it will clarify this topic or explain it from my perspective a bit more. If not...maybe it will just be more food for thought?!
Thanks for showing up and supporting my efforts to relate....I want to learn and grow...never too old, heh?
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