"It's Not My Fault"
I've often listed "Dangerous Liaisons" as one of my all time favorite movies. More recently, I've discovered the TV series, "Smash" and I have kept up with the episodes on Hulu. Today I decided to catch up, and found myself intrigued by a song, "It's Really Not My Fault", in the scene featuring Sean Hayes as "Terrance/Terry Falls" from the latest episode, "Musical Chairs". In this clip, 'Terry' is starring in a Broadway production, "Liaisons', based on the book/movie. This song sums up the character he portrays, Vicomte de Valmont. Viewing this scene allowed me to realize why the movie, "Dangerous Liaisons" affected me so deeply! I seem to be attracted to men whom this song describes so well!!! UGH!!!! It provided a moment of truth for me! (Read the Storyline of the movie provided in the link above. Did I think I'd be someone's Madame de Tourvel, but with a happy ending?)
My New Years resolution was to tell the truth to myself about myself. That is just one part to a larger theme which includes telling the truth to others about themselves, telling the truth to yourself about others, telling the truth to others about yourself, and ultimately telling the truth to yourself about yourself! I've spent way too much time blaming others for my attitude of resentment and cynicism, while also relying on these same people for my joy and happiness. How foolish is that?!
As I've stated before in this 'dialogue', I've been a very codependent person -- such a caretaker and enabler. I've often latched onto the kind of personality described in this song. I suppose I've tried to live vicariously through them. But they have been narcissistic, self-absorbed, and insecure, not at all self-assured, confident, and healthy. In fact, most probably lacked self-esteem and felt as inferior as I have. Many of them appeared arrogant and condescending, like the character in this scene, but I dismissed it. We were more closely connected than I could or would ever admit in the past when it comes to some of these characteristics, though I felt this, and possibly even lied to myself that it was a 'good thing' that I related to them somehow. Did I think this connection was compatibility?!
Anyway, hearing the words to this song gave me a jolt! When you place a thought into the Universe -- ie: 'I want to discover the truth about myself' -- it typically manifests in some form or fashion. For me, today, truth came in the form of this program and this particular song!! By accepting the truth of myself, I had to see myself falling for a guy like the one in the scene! I saw myself as one of the women strutting around on the stage giving energy to, and adoration for, such a despicable character!! I've just been "the prey that comes to him". While 'he' may provide some level of entertainment and 'enlightenment' and connection, 'taking care' of, or catering to, such a character zaps me, ultimately, of my sense of well being, of my pride, and more. I am reminded that facing the future alone is better than riding on the coattail of another who is just a well-seasoned actor in life! I want to live my life on my own terms, and it's time I take control!! To borrow a line from another favorite movie -- "The Wizard of Oz" -- "You've always had the power...", perhaps it is time to see that I have!!
My New Years resolution was to tell the truth to myself about myself. That is just one part to a larger theme which includes telling the truth to others about themselves, telling the truth to yourself about others, telling the truth to others about yourself, and ultimately telling the truth to yourself about yourself! I've spent way too much time blaming others for my attitude of resentment and cynicism, while also relying on these same people for my joy and happiness. How foolish is that?!
As I've stated before in this 'dialogue', I've been a very codependent person -- such a caretaker and enabler. I've often latched onto the kind of personality described in this song. I suppose I've tried to live vicariously through them. But they have been narcissistic, self-absorbed, and insecure, not at all self-assured, confident, and healthy. In fact, most probably lacked self-esteem and felt as inferior as I have. Many of them appeared arrogant and condescending, like the character in this scene, but I dismissed it. We were more closely connected than I could or would ever admit in the past when it comes to some of these characteristics, though I felt this, and possibly even lied to myself that it was a 'good thing' that I related to them somehow. Did I think this connection was compatibility?!
Anyway, hearing the words to this song gave me a jolt! When you place a thought into the Universe -- ie: 'I want to discover the truth about myself' -- it typically manifests in some form or fashion. For me, today, truth came in the form of this program and this particular song!! By accepting the truth of myself, I had to see myself falling for a guy like the one in the scene! I saw myself as one of the women strutting around on the stage giving energy to, and adoration for, such a despicable character!! I've just been "the prey that comes to him". While 'he' may provide some level of entertainment and 'enlightenment' and connection, 'taking care' of, or catering to, such a character zaps me, ultimately, of my sense of well being, of my pride, and more. I am reminded that facing the future alone is better than riding on the coattail of another who is just a well-seasoned actor in life! I want to live my life on my own terms, and it's time I take control!! To borrow a line from another favorite movie -- "The Wizard of Oz" -- "You've always had the power...", perhaps it is time to see that I have!!
posted by Di at 11:28 AM
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