The Path to Serenity?
I once heard that the truth is significant in all situations, but especially in three areas of our lives. I learned that it's important to tell the truth to yourself about yourself. I also learned that it's important to tell the truth to another about yourself. And last, but not least, it's important to tell the truth to yourself about the other. I often have to remind myself to practice this way of thinking.
As I become more self-aware and truthful about myself, I am open to the truth about others. Hopefully, this keeps me from being so self-righteous! I believe it is human nature to blame others when something is wrong in our own life. By finding fault with someone else, I often dwell on that aspect of a relationship and excuse my own behavior.
If I can become truthful about myself to myself, then I can perhaps become open to understanding another and their behavior. Sometimes that involves the recogntion that the other is not being honest with him/herself. When this occurs on either side we tend to manipulate and play games for the attention we feel we need or desire. Sometimes we just want to escape and remain in denial and often that involves elaborate attempts to hold another accountable or to appeal to another in inappropriate ways. The motive for this kind of behavior is generally not so clear. Instead, it is confusing and unsupported which ultimately creates frustration, defensiveness, etc., and can lead to anger, resentment, and more.
Today I'm struggling with staying focused on the things about myself that I can change rather than trying to appeal to the other so they won't shut me out. I know that when I seek to please someone else for the attention I want, I compromise and cater to bad behavior -- either mine or theirs or both. I believe this is very dysfunctional behavior on both sides. If I don't participate in the 'dance', then I may risk losing a partner. I've got to be okay with that. I'd rather dance alone than to pretend to be on board, when deep in my soul, I know I am not.
Examples are difficult to share because I would feel so exposed and vulnerable. Perhaps this is why we do not seek the help we need or actually change. It is too revealing to be this truthful, and as the formula states...it IS important to tell the truth to yourself about yourself first. If I can't accomplish this, how then can I tell another?! If I don't tell the truth about myself, how can I expect to discover the truth about that person? My own sense of guilt has been in the way of the latter. How can I sit in judgment (as it would feel), or just practice discretion, if I'm not being honest about myself? This has kept me involved/linked with others in undesirable ways for most of my life. Such an unhealthy relationship becomes so tangled and intertwined, it's difficult to know who is to blame for the outcome. It's time to accept being alone over being involved in such an inappropriate way.
Perhaps if I can fully grasp this, I will find there are like-minded people to take the place of those who have nothing to offer me when living in this kind of denial. It's a comforting thought -- to believe that I can practice this in my own life. I do think it would be rewarding on so many levels to live this out.
The thought helps me to better understand The Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr which states:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
The prayer goes on to read:
"Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen."
God grant me the serenity...
As I become more self-aware and truthful about myself, I am open to the truth about others. Hopefully, this keeps me from being so self-righteous! I believe it is human nature to blame others when something is wrong in our own life. By finding fault with someone else, I often dwell on that aspect of a relationship and excuse my own behavior.
If I can become truthful about myself to myself, then I can perhaps become open to understanding another and their behavior. Sometimes that involves the recogntion that the other is not being honest with him/herself. When this occurs on either side we tend to manipulate and play games for the attention we feel we need or desire. Sometimes we just want to escape and remain in denial and often that involves elaborate attempts to hold another accountable or to appeal to another in inappropriate ways. The motive for this kind of behavior is generally not so clear. Instead, it is confusing and unsupported which ultimately creates frustration, defensiveness, etc., and can lead to anger, resentment, and more.
Today I'm struggling with staying focused on the things about myself that I can change rather than trying to appeal to the other so they won't shut me out. I know that when I seek to please someone else for the attention I want, I compromise and cater to bad behavior -- either mine or theirs or both. I believe this is very dysfunctional behavior on both sides. If I don't participate in the 'dance', then I may risk losing a partner. I've got to be okay with that. I'd rather dance alone than to pretend to be on board, when deep in my soul, I know I am not.
Examples are difficult to share because I would feel so exposed and vulnerable. Perhaps this is why we do not seek the help we need or actually change. It is too revealing to be this truthful, and as the formula states...it IS important to tell the truth to yourself about yourself first. If I can't accomplish this, how then can I tell another?! If I don't tell the truth about myself, how can I expect to discover the truth about that person? My own sense of guilt has been in the way of the latter. How can I sit in judgment (as it would feel), or just practice discretion, if I'm not being honest about myself? This has kept me involved/linked with others in undesirable ways for most of my life. Such an unhealthy relationship becomes so tangled and intertwined, it's difficult to know who is to blame for the outcome. It's time to accept being alone over being involved in such an inappropriate way.
Perhaps if I can fully grasp this, I will find there are like-minded people to take the place of those who have nothing to offer me when living in this kind of denial. It's a comforting thought -- to believe that I can practice this in my own life. I do think it would be rewarding on so many levels to live this out.
The thought helps me to better understand The Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr which states:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
The prayer goes on to read:
"Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen."
God grant me the serenity...
posted by Di at 4:49 PM
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