Separation
My son left just a couple of days ago after a brief visit 'home'. I'm finding it difficult to put away the last remnants of our time spent together -- leftover food, a few dishes out of place, an unmade bed, towels strewn around the bathroom, and various items he moved from their original place to a different location. The latter is in line with my thought process as I reluctantly replace things. When a family moves away from home does that begin a chain reaction of sorts? Stay with me...
I was feeling rather sad that our visits are so brief. Both of my children live states apart from us and one another. My ex brought us all here when they were both babies, both still in diapers. I left behind family and life long friends. Nearly thirty years later I can tell you that had I known what I know today, I would have stayed at home.
There are natural separations and those you choose. We naturally leave our mother's womb without straying too far away in the formative years. We separate and go to school (I question how natural that is), and we make our own friends in the big world. Eventually we form a group of friends and often spend as much time with them as with our family. Perhaps we date and marry and the cycle begins again.
Many of us stay very close to our family of origin. Some of us do not. Today I wonder what the statistics are for divorce in families who decide to move away from home?! Are we trading opportunities for work, to see more of the world, to become very independent and distant for the closeness of family and friends? Have we 'really' gained anything by doing so?! Is the trade-off worth it? I'm beginning to think not.
My husband didn't seem to have a problem leaving everyone from his childhood behind, after all, his father did the same thing. His dad then traveled and was an absentee father as a result. Perhaps it seemed 'natural' for him to do this. I, on the other hand, had a father and mother who did not move far from their families. We visited with family nearly every week. Moving away was major to me, but I thought I would be establishing my own 'family' and that I would be fine.
Today as I sit here alone I wonder...was the move an indication of things to come?! My kids followed in the footsetps of their father -- as I mentioned, they've moved states away from us and one another. We don't seem close anymore. Visits are brief and often leave me wanting more...more closeness, more family time, more of what is most important in life. Today I have no husband and no kids within miles. Many of my friends have moved on, too, so I often feel literally alone. I am separated from my original family and friends in so many ways besides distance. I gave up life experience with them and that makes it difficult to go back even though I have very little to hold me here now. I don't feel I can follow my children.
Independence is not all it's cracked up to be. Separation is just that -- separation. I'd much rather have my children living nearby than to take a cruise or see Paris or London. Nothing I can see or visit in this world could ever provide a greater feeling of peace and contentment than having my family near. Who knew...
I was feeling rather sad that our visits are so brief. Both of my children live states apart from us and one another. My ex brought us all here when they were both babies, both still in diapers. I left behind family and life long friends. Nearly thirty years later I can tell you that had I known what I know today, I would have stayed at home.
There are natural separations and those you choose. We naturally leave our mother's womb without straying too far away in the formative years. We separate and go to school (I question how natural that is), and we make our own friends in the big world. Eventually we form a group of friends and often spend as much time with them as with our family. Perhaps we date and marry and the cycle begins again.
Many of us stay very close to our family of origin. Some of us do not. Today I wonder what the statistics are for divorce in families who decide to move away from home?! Are we trading opportunities for work, to see more of the world, to become very independent and distant for the closeness of family and friends? Have we 'really' gained anything by doing so?! Is the trade-off worth it? I'm beginning to think not.
My husband didn't seem to have a problem leaving everyone from his childhood behind, after all, his father did the same thing. His dad then traveled and was an absentee father as a result. Perhaps it seemed 'natural' for him to do this. I, on the other hand, had a father and mother who did not move far from their families. We visited with family nearly every week. Moving away was major to me, but I thought I would be establishing my own 'family' and that I would be fine.
Today as I sit here alone I wonder...was the move an indication of things to come?! My kids followed in the footsetps of their father -- as I mentioned, they've moved states away from us and one another. We don't seem close anymore. Visits are brief and often leave me wanting more...more closeness, more family time, more of what is most important in life. Today I have no husband and no kids within miles. Many of my friends have moved on, too, so I often feel literally alone. I am separated from my original family and friends in so many ways besides distance. I gave up life experience with them and that makes it difficult to go back even though I have very little to hold me here now. I don't feel I can follow my children.
Independence is not all it's cracked up to be. Separation is just that -- separation. I'd much rather have my children living nearby than to take a cruise or see Paris or London. Nothing I can see or visit in this world could ever provide a greater feeling of peace and contentment than having my family near. Who knew...
posted by Di at 4:10 PM
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