Are you a 'designated patient'?!?!?
Without a doubt, I qualify! Yep, I'm the one others can project their issues onto and so often I take them on with open arms! Ugh!! No wonder I'm so confused! Typically, I think I'm dealing with my own problems -- you'd think I'd get a clue when all I complain about is someone else or possibly someone else's problems that I've willingly taken on!! Sheesh how embarrassing to find that I belong in this category! How embarrassing to be told what a nag I am for complaining or for being so 'negative' about others and for feeling put down and devalued and for buying into that responsibility...for being the scapegoat!!! How simple would it have been all these years to just walk away from the issues that did not belong to me and continue to live my own life?!?!?! Oh that I had been so empowered!!
By becoming the 'designated patient', we then create 'designated issues' of our own to cover/hide/mask the real issues we have or acquired. I may not be entirely clear about this or in my presentation of this topic, because it sounds more confusing than it really is. When I read an article about it (the article cannot be found yet online since it is from an October issue...I'll come back to add it later), it took awhile for the idea to truly sink in. Hey! I'm so accustomed to being responsible for ALL the issues so what can I say?!
Let me try to clarify. When someone has a problem they are not willing to admit or face, in other words they choose to remain in denial, they knowingly or unknowingly look for another to make responsible. They do this with words or actions or in the name of 'love' or in whatever manipulative way they can in order to make their problems someone else's. Then they can point to the person they've made responsible as the issue...the problem. They condescend, put you down, mock you, scream and yell at you for making them so miserable with 'your' problems. Yep, you DO nag and complain a lot...you are carrying everyone's burdens and you are the one trying to fix the problems...all the while, you don't even OWN most of them!!! How stupid and confusing is that?!?! To a degree, the other has the right to complain about you -- you have become the 'designated patient' and it really does NOT make sense to anyone!!
Soo...this is how the vicious cycle begins. The designated patient creates his/her own designated issues to cover their 'real' issue. If your real issue is being a designated patient, then you may become depressed, or someone who, like moi, yells at dumb drivers when you find yourself feeling frustrated in traffic or anywhere else you happen to be while feeling put out! You may overeat or deny yourself nurishment, whichever suits you. You may do any number of unhealthy things to cover your real issue.
So I'm thinking for a person to become someone's 'designated patient', you are either too young to understand and escape the projection, or you've got issues of your own and you're too willing to 'please' others, or you just simply possess some problem of your own. The crux of the article was to make one aware of their own designated issues, to try to rid yourself of them so that you can confront the deeper issues that are being masked by such behavior. Hmmm....
What are my designated issues?! I shop and hoard, I yell at traffic, I don't maintain a healthy diet, I become the 'designated patient' for others. I sometimes fall into depression. I procrastinate. I feel insecure and unworthy and devalued. Surface stuff that covers deeper issues. I could go on and on, but I'm not here to be self deprecating. I hope to use this information to remind me that when I have the tendency to do any of these things and more, perhaps I should stop and set those actions aside. Then I can get to the business of looking at what's really wrong. This is how I begin to tackle the real problem. There is no need to carry around the issues I was given, or those I created, for the rest of my life. It's time to let them go, and with this understanding, perhaps I see more clearly the way that I can and the need to do so!
Simply complex -- as are so many things in life. But once I got my head around this one, I see that it really is doable to change. I'd like to think I've already taken steps in this direction even before I found the article which spelled it out for me. We'll see the next time I'm in traffic! Now, back to decluttering my environment!!
By becoming the 'designated patient', we then create 'designated issues' of our own to cover/hide/mask the real issues we have or acquired. I may not be entirely clear about this or in my presentation of this topic, because it sounds more confusing than it really is. When I read an article about it (the article cannot be found yet online since it is from an October issue...I'll come back to add it later), it took awhile for the idea to truly sink in. Hey! I'm so accustomed to being responsible for ALL the issues so what can I say?!
Let me try to clarify. When someone has a problem they are not willing to admit or face, in other words they choose to remain in denial, they knowingly or unknowingly look for another to make responsible. They do this with words or actions or in the name of 'love' or in whatever manipulative way they can in order to make their problems someone else's. Then they can point to the person they've made responsible as the issue...the problem. They condescend, put you down, mock you, scream and yell at you for making them so miserable with 'your' problems. Yep, you DO nag and complain a lot...you are carrying everyone's burdens and you are the one trying to fix the problems...all the while, you don't even OWN most of them!!! How stupid and confusing is that?!?! To a degree, the other has the right to complain about you -- you have become the 'designated patient' and it really does NOT make sense to anyone!!
Soo...this is how the vicious cycle begins. The designated patient creates his/her own designated issues to cover their 'real' issue. If your real issue is being a designated patient, then you may become depressed, or someone who, like moi, yells at dumb drivers when you find yourself feeling frustrated in traffic or anywhere else you happen to be while feeling put out! You may overeat or deny yourself nurishment, whichever suits you. You may do any number of unhealthy things to cover your real issue.
So I'm thinking for a person to become someone's 'designated patient', you are either too young to understand and escape the projection, or you've got issues of your own and you're too willing to 'please' others, or you just simply possess some problem of your own. The crux of the article was to make one aware of their own designated issues, to try to rid yourself of them so that you can confront the deeper issues that are being masked by such behavior. Hmmm....
What are my designated issues?! I shop and hoard, I yell at traffic, I don't maintain a healthy diet, I become the 'designated patient' for others. I sometimes fall into depression. I procrastinate. I feel insecure and unworthy and devalued. Surface stuff that covers deeper issues. I could go on and on, but I'm not here to be self deprecating. I hope to use this information to remind me that when I have the tendency to do any of these things and more, perhaps I should stop and set those actions aside. Then I can get to the business of looking at what's really wrong. This is how I begin to tackle the real problem. There is no need to carry around the issues I was given, or those I created, for the rest of my life. It's time to let them go, and with this understanding, perhaps I see more clearly the way that I can and the need to do so!
Simply complex -- as are so many things in life. But once I got my head around this one, I see that it really is doable to change. I'd like to think I've already taken steps in this direction even before I found the article which spelled it out for me. We'll see the next time I'm in traffic! Now, back to decluttering my environment!!
posted by Di at 12:45 PM
2 Comments:
I read this when you first posted it and thought "I hope she means it."
This is a great change. I think coming back here often to read your own words would be great therapy!
A turning point for you?
I think you've come to know me well, GB!! Read my next post and perhaps you'll have your answer!! :)) Thanks for being my friend in the blog world!! You're such an inspiration!! No doubt you've helped me arrive!! :))
Di :))
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