I'm going to be a GRANDMOM!!! :))

Clearly, I've not kept up with the blogsphere lately. There are a number of reasons for this. I've been traveling out in the real world and accomplishing more there than I feel I had in the past ten years. I hope this proves to be a good thing. Aside from that, I feel very inadequate as a blogger. I've kept journals for most of my adult life and silly diaries in my younger years. I have lots of thoughts bouncing around in my head, but my insecurities leave me feeling so frozen. I can't seem to put them into print the way I want to. My feelings seem to dominate my thoughts and thus the conflict. I can't always trust my feelings and that muddles my thoughts. Clear?! Ha!!

I must say that I'm proud of the journals I began to my children while I carried them in my body! I still try to update those two journals from time to time, and I especially like reading back over them.


Today I decided to browse through the blogs I've listed here that I used to frequently read. Some of them belong to my son, and I was a bit ashamed that I'd forgotten the fact that he, too, blogged. I'm happy that he is still keeping up with his blogging. I'm especially proud because when he was in ninth grade an English teacher (who was unsupportive of kids with learning disabilities) gave him a failing grade on his term paper (which, btw, was written with the supervision of a tutor, so we knew there was bias on the teacher's part...I digress...you get the point...). After doing all we could to support his education by making sure the system did not fail HIM, we discovered he, in fact, had a lot to say and that he could even state it very well. (From there he served on the high school newspaper staff. Go figure!?!)


Anyway, in January my son will become a father to a baby girl, and I will have my first grandchild to love and adore. While reading through his blog today, I found this post that made me once again so proud of him. I wanted to share it and use it as inspiration to let go of my own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy and just write from my heart without worry...maybe even with total abandon!! I'm so happy that perhaps my attempts at journaling and my support of his many talents and rights as a human being have influenced and encouraged him in some small way.


I give you, Will's post:


"I'm often up too late in Austin. In Virginia, there was an acute feeling of night. It could be the lights and sounds, or maybe just the pacing of the city but it's hard for me to rest here. There's a feeling that I constantly need to be accomplishing...something. Most of the time, I'm not even sure what it is. This week it's manifested in work, creative, and leisure, taking the form of plowing through novels, working on a new video, and finishing projects well ahead of their deadline.



If I explained my current predicament to Jacob, I'm sure he'd tell me I was nesting. I'd like to think I'm honing my life; I also like having a little Jacob on my shoulder when he's not around.



My little girl is under three months away. I could feel her pushing both her feet against Solange's stomach tonight. She would spin around in the opposite direction applying her newly directed force. In doing so I could feel her tiny spin press up along Solange's skin. Everyday becomes more real. Soon the world will be hers, and she'll be my world.



I used to think parents lives' revolved around their children because they'd seen the infinite potential in their children, while coming to terms with their limited capacity. In all my half pretend / half inflated ego, I believed this was too be true for myself as well. For many adults this is the case, even if it isn't as exaggerated as the obese mom who forces her daughter into beauty pageants or the dad who forces his kid to play baseball, then constantly yells at the kid's coach for not playing him enough. However, I now believe it's something different. While becoming an adult has some limitations, I honestly believe it brings unknown potential in bloom. Maybe it's wanting to be a better person for your own or maybe it's just fear of the unknown, but I'm trying very hard to level up.



Since I started on sleep, this seems to be a good point to say goodnight. The words are beginning to blur and I'm as exhausted as they come."





Now I must share baby girl with you (I know...many people cringe upon seeing yet another sonogram pic...sorry!!! I must indulge myself...it is MY blog, ha! Not only that, I have one, maybe two followers tops, so big deal, huh?!):

I'm going to be a GRANDmom, and I could not be happier!!! :))