Call me insensitive...
..but I believe it's my ex who should be seen as this....I'm at home spending a cold, rainy, snowy and dreary weekend practically alone while my ex has paid for our children to join him along with his brother, likely his girlfriend and her kids for 'Spring Break' and 'Baseball Spring Training' at Disney in warm, sunny Orlando, Florida!
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they have the opportunity to have a good time, and can afford the days, and money, and consciences to go there and indulge themselves. What I don't appreciate is that this is the place where we went each Spring Break as a family. It's the place he and I went to for our honeymoon. It became a 'tradition' with OUR family to go to Disney. We reasoned there was always something new going on there to discover, and we wanted to experience it all as a family. It DID become our number one choice.
Now, if I had behaved so badly in my marriage that it justfied in anyone's mind being punished the way I feel I am, I could understand....maybe...but if that is how it works....I would NOT be the one punished. Yet, I do feel this way. Left out....devalued....ignored....and yes, treated in the most insensitive way. Vacation, if you must, just go to a different location, pahlease!
I'm sure the fun-filled week will fly by for you all, but for me, it will seem like an eternity. I am dealing with this heaviness in my chest, a lump in my throat, a knot in my stomach, that just won't go away. I go out, do other things, surround myself with people, and at the end of the day...it's all still there. Anything I do to rid myself of these feelings, seems so contrived.
'Change my thinking about it', some say....'choke it up'...'don't let HIM know it bothers you'....Sure...I'm the one who has to adjust....let's make it easy on him...as if he even notices or cares or gives ONE thought to how his actions affect another...If that were the case, there'd be no need for this post. And why have we been reduced to rewriting the truth as a means of coping?
Divorce sucks....even when you come to the realization you are better off without the jerk. There are still these moments, when the better part of your life together flashes before you, and you are the only one on the outside looking in.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they have the opportunity to have a good time, and can afford the days, and money, and consciences to go there and indulge themselves. What I don't appreciate is that this is the place where we went each Spring Break as a family. It's the place he and I went to for our honeymoon. It became a 'tradition' with OUR family to go to Disney. We reasoned there was always something new going on there to discover, and we wanted to experience it all as a family. It DID become our number one choice.
Now, if I had behaved so badly in my marriage that it justfied in anyone's mind being punished the way I feel I am, I could understand....maybe...but if that is how it works....I would NOT be the one punished. Yet, I do feel this way. Left out....devalued....ignored....and yes, treated in the most insensitive way. Vacation, if you must, just go to a different location, pahlease!
I'm sure the fun-filled week will fly by for you all, but for me, it will seem like an eternity. I am dealing with this heaviness in my chest, a lump in my throat, a knot in my stomach, that just won't go away. I go out, do other things, surround myself with people, and at the end of the day...it's all still there. Anything I do to rid myself of these feelings, seems so contrived.
'Change my thinking about it', some say....'choke it up'...'don't let HIM know it bothers you'....Sure...I'm the one who has to adjust....let's make it easy on him...as if he even notices or cares or gives ONE thought to how his actions affect another...If that were the case, there'd be no need for this post. And why have we been reduced to rewriting the truth as a means of coping?
Divorce sucks....even when you come to the realization you are better off without the jerk. There are still these moments, when the better part of your life together flashes before you, and you are the only one on the outside looking in.
posted by Di at 12:39 PM
2 Comments:
ahh, but a great time to be alone and meditate.
Dear 'a'....always the upbeat fellow...I hope you never know this feeling. Thanks for the encouragement!! You are correct...reflection is a good thing sometimes...especially if it takes me to a better place!! I'm getting there!! :))
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