The Short List...
There were opportunities in my life that did not unfold the way I'd wished. If I could relive those times in the here and now, I would be determined to achieve the goals I desired. I would not rely on others for approval or validation. I would realize my desires were within my reach. I would have obtained what I wanted on my own and for my pleasure alone if necessary. That would have been 'good enough' for me.
My goals were very basic. The items I wished for had intrinsic value to me alone, I suppose. This should have been all that mattered. They were to contribute to the way I saw myself and the life unfolding before me. My dreams were MY dreams, that should have been accepted, not rejected. I should have moved past the rejection to retain my sense of self and happiness.
I can't go back. I can, and have, obtained some of the material things I was told I could not have. There is a sense of fulfillment in that. The 'short list' I wished to obtain was much more meaningful than the long one that became a substitute. There IS no substitute for self. To fill in with something else is to live a lie.
Today I'm aware that I am completely surrounded by the result of the lies. I feel it is essential to my well-being to get rid of the clutter that was created after I ignored my dreams. By contrast, my desires would have provided a simple landscape as opposed to the one I've lived with all these years. Perhaps I can let go and return to that original plan that did not unfold along the way. Perhaps I CAN still have it all. Ironically, that list is truly a short one.
~~~~~~~~~~~
BTW, except for one, the items linked are now in my possession. :)) There are a couple of larger items on the list that I left out--perhaps they will find their way into my future.
My goals were very basic. The items I wished for had intrinsic value to me alone, I suppose. This should have been all that mattered. They were to contribute to the way I saw myself and the life unfolding before me. My dreams were MY dreams, that should have been accepted, not rejected. I should have moved past the rejection to retain my sense of self and happiness.
I can't go back. I can, and have, obtained some of the material things I was told I could not have. There is a sense of fulfillment in that. The 'short list' I wished to obtain was much more meaningful than the long one that became a substitute. There IS no substitute for self. To fill in with something else is to live a lie.
Today I'm aware that I am completely surrounded by the result of the lies. I feel it is essential to my well-being to get rid of the clutter that was created after I ignored my dreams. By contrast, my desires would have provided a simple landscape as opposed to the one I've lived with all these years. Perhaps I can let go and return to that original plan that did not unfold along the way. Perhaps I CAN still have it all. Ironically, that list is truly a short one.
~~~~~~~~~~~
BTW, except for one, the items linked are now in my possession. :)) There are a couple of larger items on the list that I left out--perhaps they will find their way into my future.
posted by Di at 12:12 PM
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